“When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” Or so I thought. A seemingly hardwired thought. Want to know how I changed my default settings on hard work? Perhaps you repeat these mantras too.
Just do it. Whatever it takes. No excuses.
That was the message rife in the 80s and 90s. The underdog survives through pure grit and determination. He will nearly die but he will win. The self-made man was such a familiar narrative that we came to value people who had supposedly made it to the top of their field by themselves. No external privilege, just a huge dose of innate talent, drive and ‘stick-to-it’iveness.
We weren’t taught to see the inherent privileges in our heroes or the lucky breaks or the abuse of power or the complete dismantling of what holds society together in favour of one solitary win. We were taught to applaud the women ‘doing it all’. We were taught to accept personal sacrifice as normal because corporate success became the most important win. Bigger profit margins were chased, convenience was glorified and stress became the norm.
Fast forward to now, we start to see a generation of burnt out workers. Hard workers. Skilled workers. Willing workers. People who kept going when the odds were stacked against them. People who persevered at all costs. People who didn’t bother slowing down for something as trivial as self-reflection or their own health, family milestones or adventure.
My default settings for hard work were set to maximum for any situation that would increase my own potential or current profit margins, making me choose a degree and then live closer to job opportunities to participate in the most popular stress dance, to prove my legitimacy as an adult. Unquestioningly. Work hard by default. That’s good, right?! Nope.
I burnt out. Multiple times. Recently, I started to question my default settings.
Why are you working hard?
Why is that important to you?
What happens if that goes away?
What are you scared of?
Who are you trying to impress?
What do you want to feel at the end of every day?
What legacy do you want to leave?
I have to admit that I often fall into that classic millennial pattern of trying harder when things seem impossible. By exalting grit, I’ve numbed my sense of what makes something worthwhile. Questions help refine our judgement. Get curious about the purpose, the meta-game when you want to know whether you should persevere or pause. [Side note: pausing is a way to give yourself time to reassess or recuperate but you also have the option to stop something entirely. Press pause before stop. Especially in your relationships or income-generating activities.]
Persevering is good for your character but don’t try and be a hero from the 80s. Ask for help! Set achievable goals. Timebox your effort. Choose your pace according to the distance and celebrate every step forward. Get a mentor. Be open to letting something else go so you can persevere on one thing. Learn how to do it better. Be accountable to a friend or colleague.
Creative exploration of alternatives in the pause gives us freedom. Take that holiday. Read the book. Go on that adventure. Drop that product. Delegate that task. Fire that bad manager. Buy a new pair of jeans that actually fit your current body.
Do you ever feel stuck in that decision loop over something that you’ve spent so much time on already, it seems a waste to give up now?
Are you going to dig deep or let it go? The wisdom to know which path to take is one you can develop. There are plenty of decision-making models out there. Choose one you like and then test if it actually aligns with your divinely-gifted intuition. Be wary of any that feature the sunk cost fallacy. Just because you’ve waited for the bus this long doesn’t mean it isn’t worth calling a taxi. It all depends on your destination and how fast you need to get there.
So, do you persevere or pause?
Persist, push and persevere whenever possible. You do need to give things time. You do need to put in the work. But work hard on the right things. Only you can figure out what makes them the right things. Hit pause and figure that out first.
Drop me a comment with an example of something you kept doing and something you paused. I’m curious about how you decided what to do!
ritsya 